Author Topic: Joke for today--keep it clean.  (Read 96564 times)

Offline bigboberta

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #680 on: January 09, 2019, 09:38:01 AM »
Boudreaux was walking down the street on his way home when he was stopped by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man, who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

Boudreaux took ten dollars out of his wallet, but before he handed it over he asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you spend this on hunting and fishing instead of food?” Boudreaux asked.

“Are you NUTS?” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t fished or hunted in over 20 years!!”

“Well,” said Boudreaux, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?”

Boudreaux replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, hunting and fishing.”

🙂
Bob Guidry, Retired Firefighter.

Zone 8b.
Mahindra 3525
2.5 acres
Easleyville, LA


Offline crazyhorse

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #681 on: January 16, 2019, 02:53:20 AM »
 I combined  a laxative with alphabet soup ---think I will call it "letter rip". ;D




« Last Edit: January 16, 2019, 02:55:37 AM by crazyhorse »

Offline crazyhorse

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #682 on: January 29, 2019, 02:35:08 AM »
Has anyone heard from Mr Ben?
I miss his posts and hope he is doing well.
I hope he is just busy.

Online Rabbitproof

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #683 on: January 29, 2019, 05:46:37 AM »
Crazyhorse....Last I heard from him was Sunday afternoon.Hope to hear soon.

Offline crazyhorse

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #684 on: January 29, 2019, 10:44:26 PM »
Has anyone heard from Mr Ben?
I miss his posts and hope he is doing well.
I hope he is just busy.


I'm sorry I posted this in the wrong place.
I was trying to post it in "missing forum members"  thread.

Offline crazyhorse

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #685 on: February 06, 2019, 03:03:25 AM »
The Husband got out of bed & came into the kitchen & saw a note his wife left on the table.

 John Deere, I am leaving you.
 In Case you don't know why, it is because my cousin Oliver told me you were messing around with Allis-Chalmers .
 I can't believe I thought you were on the Farmall those times. ;D     ;D
« Last Edit: February 06, 2019, 03:08:26 AM by crazyhorse »

Offline crazyhorse

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #686 on: February 06, 2019, 03:05:37 AM »
Well with tax time coming up I just had to post this.

 Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road.
 The policeman stopped traffic and recovered the box.
 It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
 "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
 Amazed, the driver asked for what.
 The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion." ;D    ;D

Online Rabbitproof

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #687 on: February 06, 2019, 03:28:42 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Offline crazyhorse

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #688 on: February 24, 2019, 01:39:07 AM »
My wallet  reminds me of an onion.

Every time I open it up , it makes me cry. ;D

Offline crazyhorse

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #689 on: February 25, 2019, 03:02:52 AM »
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento". When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital. ;D

Online Rabbitproof

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #690 on: February 25, 2019, 07:50:39 AM »
 :D :D :D :D

Offline Ragun Gardener

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #691 on: March 07, 2019, 09:28:02 AM »
So I get home this morning and my dog is laying on my porch covered in dirt and mud and has a rabbit in his mouth. He's not bloody, just dirty.
Now, my neighbors raised these rabbits for 4H and have blue ribbon winners. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. So I get the rabbit away from my dog, I take it inside, wash all the dirt off and before my neighbors got home I took it over, put him back in the cage and went back home.
Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming, so I go out and ask them what's wrong?
They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #692 on: March 07, 2019, 11:19:50 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D !!!!!!!

Offline crazyhorse

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #693 on: May 12, 2019, 03:50:56 AM »
Why did the tomato blush?
 Because it saw the salad dressing!

Why did the carrot blush?
 Because it saw the chic pea!

Why do fungi have to pay double bus fares?
 Because they take up too mushroom!

Which is the fastest vegetable?
 A runner bean!

What is a zucchini’s favorite sport?
 Squash!

What do you do if you loose your root vegetables?
 Home it will turnip

Why did the potatoes argue?
 They couldn’t see eye to eye

What did the lettuce say to the celery?
 Quit stalking me

What is green and goes to summer camp?
 A brussel scout!

What is the strongest vegetable?
 A muscle sprout!

Why did the grape go out with a prune?
 He couldn’t find a date!

What did the sweet potato say to the pumpkin?
 I yam what I yam

Which vegetable is a sailor’s least favorite?
 Which vegetable did Noah leave off the ark?
 Leeks!

Which vegetable loves animals the most?
 A zoo-cchini!


Online Rabbitproof

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #694 on: May 13, 2019, 04:38:25 PM »
LOL.... ;D ;D ;D

Offline crazyhorse

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #695 on: May 27, 2019, 04:24:15 AM »
Hear about the dyslexic ?
When he was stressed he would eat lots of desserts.
Desserts spelled backward= stressed. ;D

Online Maggie13

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #696 on: July 06, 2019, 08:49:50 AM »
I returned my Nike shoes to the store and told them that they hurt my feet when I stand for the National Anthem
21' X 48' High Tunnel
Knox, New York   zone 4B

https://www.wunderground.com/hourly/us/ny/knox/12107

Offline crazyhorse

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #697 on: July 07, 2019, 04:12:49 AM »
Mrs Maggie,   ;D  Mrs Maggie,    ;D

Offline crazyhorse

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #698 on: July 12, 2019, 03:05:18 AM »

 Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York?
 She fell for the Big Apple.

 Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a garden?
 Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!

 What farm animal keeps the best time?
 A watch dog!

 What's the best part of gardening?
 Getting down and dirty with my hoes

 What kind of socks do you need to plant vegetables?
 Garden hose!

 Who's funnier than a goofy gardener?
 A Jolly Rancher.

 What water yields the most beautiful veggie garden?
 Perspiration!

 What new crop did the gardener plant?
 Beets me!

 What grows under your nose?
 Tulips!

 Where do farmers send their kids to grow?
 Kinder-garden.

 Gardeners earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, turn-ip the covers, en-dive into bed!

 What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
 Where's popcorn?

Online Rabbitproof

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Re: Joke for today--keep it clean.
« Reply #699 on: July 12, 2019, 05:08:34 AM »
LOL....good ones!